Background: Retired director of survey research with the National Institutes of Health and subsequently, a psychiatric social worker focused on gerontology and bereavement. Active in the newly-created National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization and the Wendt Center for Loss and Healing, both in Washington, D.C. Helped establish and served on the board of Rapp at Home where he hosts monthly discussions on a variety of topics; facilitated two group gatherings – one, established by the late Linda Dietel for those who provide care for others – and another for those experiencing grief and loss; longtime volunteer at the Food Pantry. Rappahannock resident for 14 years; one stepdaughter and three grandchildren; lives with his husband, Bill Dant, in Boston.
The Spark: I was raised in a loving and generous family in a small town in Indiana. My parents and grandparents were deeply committed to helping others in the community and their expectation was that you supported those in need. I remember delivering Christmas gifts to poor families with my grandmother. She would tell me these neighbors were no different from us and should be treated with respect and dignity. I’ve always carried her message with me.
Proudest Achievement: When I moved to Washington, D.C., in the mid-1970s and began my relationship with Bill, we both knew we were pioneers of sorts. Back then, to say, without shame, ‘this is who we are, we love each other, we have a daughter,’ took real effort on our part. To this day, I’m proud we stood up for our convictions and openly shared our sexual orientation with others, whether people accepted it or not. Continuing on the theme of personal conviction, I strongly opposed the Vietnam War — not those soldiers who fought in it — and chose to be a conscientious objector. It was not an easy thing to do in a small conservative rural town. As an alternative service, the county draft board assigned me to work in the emergency room of the local hospital which was a wonderful learning experience.
Biggest Challenge: Coming to terms with my sexuality. In my 20s I was married to a woman but after several years I knew it wasn’t working. Witnessing society’s reaction to gay people, and how they were ostracized, made it very difficult for me to openly come to terms with who I was. The very personal journey was challenging but eventually I came to accept and embrace who I am. That was over 50 years ago and so much has changed since then. Today people are much freer to express their true selves.
Why It Matters: Being part of a community means giving back. I can help those who are suffering the loss of a loved one or providing full time care for another by bringing people together to share their concerns and challenges. It can make such a positive difference in their lives. In the groups I facilitate, I find that for many participants the realization that they are not alone in their struggles helps to soften their burdens. Group members agree to confidentiality which leads to intimacy and a willingness to be open. As a result, many members of these groups have developed strong friendships.
Favorite Rappahannock Treasure: Like many who have moved here, I was drawn to Rappahannock for its natural beauty. But what I’ve come to treasure most is invisible – the community spirit. I find people here to be warm, friendly and more than willing to get involved in making this an even better place to live. I was raised in a community not too different from this place, so in a way, it is like coming home.
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