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Initially, I didn’t want to do this contest, yet I had everything planned out. I knew I wanted to create something about my mental health. Making art out of pain is certainly a coping mechanism I enjoy utilizing compared to the other more exasperating ones I’ve learned throughout therapy. I went into this with an idea, but now I had to fit it into the mold of the prompts we were given.
After weeks of frustration, throwing ideas back and forth between all of the corners of my brain, I finally decided on recording spoken word at the last minute. I finished the poem in about an hour, the day before our pieces were due. I had my doubts reading it over, but I told myself that if I could listen back to the video and not purse my lips or scrunch my nose at something that only sounds wrong once hearing it come out of my mouth, I would bite the bullet and submit it the next day. Fortunately, luck was on my side that night. It actually sounded sort of good. I caught myself smiling in the mirror before I took my makeup off.
Publishing my experiences through art about my life after being abused wasn’t something I ever saw myself doing. I covered topics that generally make people uncomfortable — topics and emotions I’ve noticed people tend to tiptoe around. A lot of the time I feel like one of those things people prefer to tiptoe around. Even though it wasn’t what I ultimately aimed for with this project, for once I felt like people didn’t have that option. I felt like something unable to sweep under the rug. People didn’t just hear me, they listened this time.
Everything that’s come as a result of what I made still doesn’t feel real. It’s reminiscent of the intricate vacation plans you make with your friends and never go on. Exciting, but it would never happen, right? I was wrong, of course, as I won an award, and then was invited to attend a virtual banquet held by Report for America. Out of hundreds of service projects seen from across the nation, they wanted me to speak about mine. People wanted to listen to my voice again.
The banquet was over a Zoom call, and there were so many people that not all of them would fit on screen at one time. I scrolled through the other participants’ videos, everyone donning a bright blue background that proudly said “Report for America Service Project Celebration.” It made my stomach drop. All of these people were going to hear me. When it was my turn, I forced myself to speak, cringing after every word I said. I definitely didn’t feel as though what I made was even comparable to what everyone else did. I still don’t. Nevertheless, it felt rewarding, in a way. I enjoyed listening to what everyone else did. I saw some incredible projects made by extremely talented people.
In all honesty, I dislike explaining or analyzing art, whether it’s mine or someone else’s. I feel like no matter what I say or how I say it, it won’t ever be enough. That’s part of the reason I enjoy expressing myself through poetry. It’s all just words, exactly like my explanations would be, but for some reason that I can’t put my finger on, it’s so beautifully different. I prefer to keep all my thoughts in the safety of my art or my head, so this call was an entire road-trip out of my comfort zone. The road-trips that are exhausting, even though all you do is sit and stare out of the window.
I’ve definitely learned a lot about myself throughout my experience writing this piece and everything that’s come after. It feels much easier to let myself be a bit more free in my writings now that I’ve put something so personal out into the world. Even though I can’t speak to every person who reads or listens to my art, it’s fascinating to think about how people with their own thoughts and feelings get to perceive what I’ve done and make something out of it for themselves.
I hadn’t put so much effort into creative writing for years until this contest came around. It was a refreshing call back to something I used to take so much pleasure in, and I haven’t felt this confident in my abilities in such a long time. Since this project, I’ve felt comfortable enough to continue to upload spoken word content on my YouTube channel. Many wonderful opportunities have come my way after all of this, and for once, the future doesn’t seem like something to constantly fear.
The writer is a Hearthstone School high school sophomore.
Last year, the Rappahannock News and Foothills Forum hosted a Storytelling Contest for students across the county, including students at Rappahannock County Public Schools, Belle Meade Montessori School, Hearthstone School and Wakefield Country Day School. The storytelling contest was expanded from past essay contests to encourage students to tell narratives in mediums beyond the written word.
Students could choose from six prompts, and a panel of judges chose three middle school and three high school winners, with the first place prizes being $400. The six winners were published in the Rappahannock News, online and in print, and honored at a reception in December at the Little Washington Theatre. The work of all of our winners can be found here: https://rappnews.link/b2j
Reporter Julia Shanahan’s role in the contest was a part of a service project through national journalism organization Report for America — which not only partially sponsors Shanahan’s employment at the Rappahannock News, but also encourages member reporters stationed across the country to engage students in writing and media.
Hearthstone sophomore Taylor Schuler, the Storytelling Contest second place high school winner, was invited to speak last Wednesday by Report for America on a Zoom call with leaders of the organization and other students from across the country who are involved in other reporter’s service projects. Schuler spoke about her experience putting together her video project, and what she’s learned since.
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